Milly's Moments by Liz Spear

Synopsis

Psychic counsellor Milly and her husband Derek have been married for fourteen years when their lives are turned upside down by the arrival of Derek's ex-mistress, his only lapse, Susie - who is more than keen to start another affair with the reluctant Derek who is intent on saving his marriage. Comedy moves into high farce when an unwitting RAC man Malcolm, spiritual guru Albert and Milly's guide Chief Running Water become involved in the comedy capers.

Published by New Theatre Publications. http://www.plays4theatre.com

Listed online at Doollee.com a database of playwrights and their plays. http://www.doollee.com/SpearLiz.htm

An extract from Milly's Moments

The room has the appearance of counsellor’s office, with a psychiatrist’s couch, desk, office chair, screen, 3 easy chairs and a table. There is a set of kitchen type units on one wall with coffee maker, cups etc. Around the room are various paintings and artifacts associated with the spiritual side of life. On the wall SR is a mirror. There is a door down stage left and two doors up stage one centre right , and one centre left. Sitting in one of the comfy chairs is Susan, absorbed in a magazine.

MILLY briskly enters the room USL door . Stops and looks around in wonder. Pauses.

MILLY addresses the audience

MILLY: Awh!....Awh! (TAKES A CHAIR AND SITS ON IT) There’s a wonderful atmosphere of yin and yang in here today. I noticed it as soon as I walked in through the door. Now, don’t look at me like that - it’s true! I’m perceptible to all that Stratospheres and such. My friend, Penny told me that. Penny! You know, she’s psychopathic, she can tell auras. Last year she sort of leaned back in her chair looked past me left ear and her eyes went all misty, “ Ooh!” she says, “Ooh! You’re all green. There’s a great band of green all round you” “Green?” I said, “Green? What does that mean?”

“Green is the colour of peace,” she says, “ Peace and punctuality.”

“S’funny, ” I said, “I don’t feel peaceful. Seeing how I’d had a row with the greengrocer that morning and the milk had boiled over. Twice! And I’d had problems with Derek. That’s my husband. He’d been unfaithful for the first time in thirteen years. I mean, I’m not one to go snooping through pockets and drawers and stuff - and I was just tidying up like, when I knocked his coat off the chair. Well, everything fell out his pocket - starting with three, little white boxes. So, I began shovelling it all back, then I picked up the boxes. Putty rubbers, I thought, for work. He’s in advertising, you know. Putty rubbers! I didn’t know how close to the truth I was. Anyway, comes I’m putting the third one back and I shook it like, and well, it didn’t feel right and I got curious- well you would wouldn’t you? So, I opened it. Bad move! It was a Durex. You know, one of the sort you buy in machines in night clubs - synonymous like, not those jazzy multicoloured ones that glow in the dark so you can see him coming. . . . and I’m on the pill! Ooh, I was mad. Fit to bust I was. So, I swept everything off the mantelpiece and put these three boxes dead centre like some special ornament. Be the first thing he’d clock when he walked in. So, I rang him at work. I kept it short and precinct. Told him he’d got to come home, I needed him. I waited and paced, paced and waited. Then, I heard the key in the lock. In he came. . . . . there was a pause. He sort of wavered as his eyes caught the pyramid of lies, they couldn’t have been plainer if I’d stuck them in fairy lights with a neon sign blinking ‘Johnnies’. There was a moment when I thought I saw a flicker of panic. Then he came straight to me side all concerned and retentive. “Darling, are you all right? I was so worried. Whatever’s the matter? ” I stood there apocalyptic like, pointing a shaking finger. “Tell me”, I said, “Tell me, what do you need those for?” At that moment I wanted to believe him, knew I would believe him, whatever he said, if he’d bought them for a pal or to blow up as party decorations, after all they can come in pretty colours. “Oh, those ” he said, and the way he said it was loaded like a cork about to pop its bottle. “Those. . .” he said as if it explained everything. “You don’t think. . . you’re not incinerating. . .?” Then he started to laugh. He did. He told me all about this book he’d bought on manic sex, sorry, Tantric sex and how he needed to preserve his jing. It was something he wanted to share with me - and here was Penny telling me I’m all peace and punctuality. But, when I told her this, she said, it was me inner self she could see - not my emotional consciousness. Anyway, since then I’ve been studying hard. I have! Crystals, aromatherapy, the Tarot, meditation and all that. Derek’s joined me. He goes to a guru. Albert Postlethwaite, number 22, Green Street . You always know if you’ve got a good guru - you do - just see if they’ve got a lavatory. Well, a good guru doesn’t need to excrete. He doesn’t. Saves on lav paper. Any road, after mediations t’other night I was relaxing in front of Neighbours in a half lotus and Derek said, “D’you know what I fancy?” No, not what you’re thinking! Oh there’s smutty minds some people have got. He said, “D’you know what I fancy, there, on the parlour wall? The tree of life.” “Don’t talk so soft,” I said, “It’s so big. How would we get it in? I can just imagine it. Its leafy branches spreading all across TV and interfering with Eastenders.” Then I said, “Well, if you’re going to have the tree of life, there - I’m going to have the symbols of the I Ching, here, like flying ducks. Ooh! I can feel one of me prepositions creeping up on me. Look, I must go and resort with the spirits. You make yourself a cup of tea. I won’t be long.

Milly's Moments

A play by Liz Spear

An extract from Milly's Moments

A play by
Liz Spear