Relative Disaster by Liz Spear

Synopsis

Debbie is settling down to a comfortable evening in when she is interrupted by the arrival of Claire, her bossy older sister who has invited herself to stay. Claire successfully alienates all of Debbie's friends and family during the course of the weekend which is leading up to an important press conference. Claire is to reveal secrets which will change history as we know it. The appearance of a body further complicates matters and comedy fast escalates into farce before the truth is revealed.

Published by New Theatre Publications. http://www.plays4theatre.com

Listed online at Doollee.com a database of playwrights and their plays. http://www.doollee.com/SpearLiz.htm

An extract from Relative Disaster

Scene 2

Saturday night. The table is elegantly laid. Trays of canapes are placed around the room and everyone is enjoying a glass of champagne. There is no sign of DEBBIE or CLAIRE. Clattering can be heard coming from the kitchen. DEBBIE’s boss, ROGER an inoffensive looking man in glasses is chatting with MARLENE, DEBBIE'S best friend and DEBBIE'S daughter, AMY. DUNCAN and his wife, ALICE who is a little plump, are picking at the nibbles chatting to ROBIN, DEBBIE'S son. Light classical music plays softly in the background.

ROGER: I don’t know why Debbie gets so steamed up at the mention of her sister, staying. Claire seems positively sweet.

MARLENE: I think Debbie finds her rather testy. But you’re right. She seems charming.

ROGER: You’ve not met her before, then?

MARLENE: No.

ROGER: But she’s offered to do all the cooking herself... and it does smell delicious.

ALICE: These canapes are gorgeous. Especially the prawns in filo pastry.

DUNCAN: Looks like we’re in for a real treat.

(ROBIN and AMY look at each other knowingly. MARLENE catches this)

MARLENE: Say. . . do you two know something we don’t?

CLAIRE enters from the kitchen with DEBBIE following behind. She takes charge.

CLAIRE: Come along everyone! Dinner won’t be long. But first a little home grown entertainment to whet the appetite.

The guests look bemused

CLAIRE: Time for introductions in a moment. You know when we were children we made our own amusement. Something we’ve carried on through the years. Robin. How about some of your magic tricks?

ROBIN: Sorry Aunt Claire. I’ve nothing with me.

CLAIRE: Nonsense! All you need are a pack of cards, a little bit of string, and a few other odds and ends. I’m sure we can find them for you.

DEBBIE: ( seeing the alarmed look on ROBIN’s face) Sorry, I don’t have any playing cards.

ROBIN: Besides I’m out of practice.

CLAIRE: Well then. Amy? What about a tap dance?

AMY: I gave up tap when I was ten!

CLAIRE: You must remember something.

AMY shakes her head.

CLAIRE: So, it’s down to us!

DEBBIE: Don’t look at me.

CLAIRE: Come on, you old grumps let’s have a song.

CLAIRE begins singing The Everly Brother’s hit “Dream” DEBBIE joins in singing the harmony. Eventually, everyone joins in and are enjoying themselves. They all applaud each other warmly at the end. A mood of good humour is established.

CLAIRE: (Picks up a tray of canapes to offer around) Right, now you can introduce me to all your friends, Debbie.

DEBBIE: This is my best friend, Marlene.

CLAIRE: Marlene, pleased to meet you. And what exactly do you do for a living?

MARLENE: I’m a fashion writer.

CLAIRE: Really? ... (Eyes her up and down) I would never have guessed. (She moves on to ALICE offers her a canape.)

DEBBIE: This is Alice, she and her husband Duncan, have been good friends to me. Especially after Bernard died. They live next door.

ALICE goes to accept a canape but CLAIRE whisks the tray away.

CLAIRE: On second thoughts - you look as if you’ve already had one too many. You don’t want to get any fatter do you? (She inspects DUNCAN) Duncan you say? (He nods, unsure whether to speak or not) Grand name. Name of a Scottish king. Got murdered though, I believe. Let’s hope you don’t suffer the same fate.

DEBBIE: (Warningly) Claire!

CLAIRE: And you must be Debbie’s boss? Roger, isn’t it? (She looks around) Where’s your wife?

ROGER: I’m not married.

CLAIRE: Really? Are you gay? Honestly, you mustn’t mind. You could have brought your partner. I think I speak for everyone - we’re quite broad minded here.

DEBBIE: (Firmly) No, Roger isn’t... Roger lives with his mother.

CLAIRE: (Knowingly) Aah! Haven’t come out of the closet yet? (She pats his hand) Don’t worry I understand.

DEBBIE looks mortified and apologetically mouths “sorry” at everyone.

CLAIRE: Well then, let’s eat. Everyone up to the table. For goodness sake Debbie, stand up properly, you look like a pregnant duck. Come and help me in the kitchen. Robin, you do the honours. (she gestures to the table and sweeps into the kitchen.)

DEBBIE: (To ROBIN) Please apologise to them or by the time the evening’s over I won’t have any friends left.

ROBIN ushers the affronted guests to the table who sit in silence, slow fade to blackout. Quick curtain

Relative Disaster

A Comedy by Liz Spear

An extract from Relative Disaster

A Comedy by
Liz Spear